He wipes his tears and then heads to his car. He never seemed to me lonelier than this moment and I felt terribly sorry for him and for the pain he was enduring.
I didn’t sleep that night, I was crying. I was thinking about the old memories and everything we had to face, to endure, to reach this point.
He didn’t come in the next 2 days. I didn’t know what happened and scenarios started crossing my mind. Maybe he had an accident while driving drunk, maybe a car accident the day after?
By the third day, when I was pondering whether or not to contact him, he showed up at my door. He was waiting for me, after I finished my work. He was sitting in the stairs across the hall, 2 bottles besides him. He was drinking while waiting for me; he was probably drunk now. He started talking, blabbering, on and on, and I didn’t understand what he was saying. He was talking so fast, words stumbling in his mouth and sentences left unfinished as he started other ones. That was the drunken guy talking. I dreaded the drunken guy that will be more violent. I stayed by the door, I was ready to enter and close any time, the moment I sensed him moving.
When I didn’t answer him, he started getting angrier and I sensed that the moment he explodes will reach us soon. But I didn’t wait; I just entered my house and slammed the door. That awakened the beast!
I could hear him swearing, threatening me and hitting the door. Maybe he would break it soon? He was in full rage and I was crying in fear that he may break the door and come inside. I heard someone talking to him then forcing him to leave. I could recognize the voice of some of the neighbors. Few minutes later, I could see him from the window; leaving and bowing his head. I am not sure if they hit him or if he just surrendered.
They came up, to comfort me. They called their wives or daughters, figuring that a female company would be better for me. I was shaking, shivering and couldn’t utter a word. Tears came down easily and I didn’t try to stop them; I was tired of doing that in the last days.
I didn’t go to work the next day, one of the girls stayed with me. She was seizing every opportunity to comfort me, saying that that terrible drunk man wouldn’t dare showing up or her father would really call the police or that the boys of the building would gang up on him and teach him a lesson.
But she didn’t know!
She thought that he was pure evil. She thought that he betrayed me somehow and I refused to forgive him. Maybe, she thought that he used to abuse me in some way or another, and I decided to leave him so he became nuts. I never gave an explanation, but she let her imagination run and do the rest. In her eyes, I was the victim and she encouraged me to defend myself and to pick up my life. After all, a drunken guy, who doesn’t have morals, shouldn’t be preventing me from living! Worst case scenario, I would file a complaint against him and he would be locked up for a while. “that would teach him a lesson”.
She didn’t know. No one knew. The truth.
The truth is that he never hurt me before. He was the sweetest guy and the most amazing human being I have met. We were together for years and he discovered that I was cheating on him.
It was a complete choc for him. He couldn’t believe that me, the innocent sweet girl, was capable of such behavior. He tried to understand but I couldn’t face him, after what I did to him.
Now, he was chasing me just to say that he needed explanation. He needed to know why I did it, what the other guy had to offer that he hadn’t. Eventually, when my answers were not convincing, He lost faith in all humanity. He is chasing me now to apologize! He thinks that he is the one who drove me away. He was begging me to forgive him and give him another chance.
I can’t even forgive myself!
That’s how messed up our relationship is. Everyone thinks that the drunken guy is evil, is an irresponsible person who is trying to force himself on me. But the truth is the opposite! I am the evil person that made a complete perfect guy go nuts and lose hold of all the principles he had in his life.
I am the evil one… but he is the one who got drunk…